| my lovers |
[28 Feb 2008|03:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely/ bored |
] |
happy birthday Jim & Tyson.
miss you both.
love you, too.
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| Ouch |
[04 Sep 2007|08:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
I didn't prepare for this kind of hurt.
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| damnit |
[29 Aug 2007|11:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
I'm retardedly in love with you
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[31 Jul 2007|07:49pm] |
I'm so sleepy, I have no idea why. It's not like I did very much today. We were woken up in the middle of the night by Erick who crashed into our door accidentally. And I was woken up at 5, but I don't really think that's what did it. I'm going to blame the frozen raspberries I've been eating because it's all I can think of. Aw, we went to go see the Simpsons movie today, it was cute.
If I lie down I'm positive I would fall asleep. But that's not fair for Jim so I have to find something to keep me entertained. Heeeeeeeelp meeeeee
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| it's happening |
[25 Jul 2007|03:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
worried |
] |
He's falling apart right before my eyes.
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| Ory, artist, thief. |
[17 Jul 2007|10:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the sound of Jim yawning |
] |
I am so tired. I've been going from Jim's room to my room cleaning all day. I have so much junk, I donated a box of children's books to Goodwill because as much as I loved them, I can't keep them forever. They drove me insane, and I didn't even part with them all. I couldn't let go of my Little Golden Books. They're too cute and don't take up that much space. I thought that maybe I had done a good job because I didn't have a million stuffed bears. But then I looked in the cabinets above the closet and oh my goodness. I tried cleaning it out all day but I just ended up with a room completely covered in junk.
I donated and threw away a lot of things but I got restless and ended up putting what was on the floor into 3 big totes and shoving them in the closet. That was enough. Then I came back here with more of my necessities that aren't really necessities when you really think about it. But I wanted them here anyway and Jim couldn't care less. So I started cleaning his junk along the way, dumping things on the bed so I can make room for them somewhere else. But I had to take breaks here and then because I wore myself out completely. Now it's 10:47 and Jim just got home to the messiest room in the world and he looks so tired. He went downstairs to eat and if I had any energy I would try to put everything into a box so he can have a place to sleep. But I'm feeling just as tired as he looks. I didn't go out and work two jobs but geez I feel like I've been beaten with a bat.
Yesterday Jim took me with him to Ory's studio because he called my phone in the morning, he was really excited because someone gave him a xylophone. I highly doubt it was given to him seeing as though he is an excellent thief. He steals my phone everytime I see him. My phone which I keep in the front pocket of my jeans, by the way. And I never feel a thing, in fact I never notice it's gone until I get bored and start to wonder what time it is. I'll never understands how he does it. Anyway, so he has a xylophone and it's a pretty big thing. It's interesting and we all gave a try at it but I failed miserably and didn't want to act a fool in front of them so I gave up. Jim was dreadful too and it was good fun to watch. It got old quickly, for me at least and I started playing with the robotic puppy that was doing a million back flips per minute. I lost interest in that too and went back to the xylophone to watch Jim as he hit every key. 'twas funny to watch his eyebrows move so intensely, like he was in such deep thought, I didn't understand it until about 5 minutes after I had been watching him and he began going at it and it actually sounded like a real song. It was about the time that I realized Jim was an idiot and could figure out any musical instrument if he really wanted to. He played twinkle twinkle little star and Ory sang the alphabet. same tune, but I prefer to think he was playing twinkle twinkle rather than abc's. I hate Jim.
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| 3rd person |
[06 Jul 2007|07:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
Sandy just played a full game of scrabble by herself moving from one chair to another, so as to keep it real.
this day is tons worse than expected. it stopped being bored sandy and has turned into depressed sandy who is letting all the stupid yelling her mom has just done completely get to her and rip her apart. What the hell Sandy?
This is so stupid, get the hell out of here.
but you won't.
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[28 Jun 2007|11:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
My shirt was inside out and nobody told me. In my defense it's just a black wife beater (what a weird name) and it looks exactly the same on both sides....except the size and logo were facing outside.
still nobody told me when they noticed.
baby loves Jim so much more than she likes me. It's kind of cute. The highlight of my day was when I walked into Jim's room and they had fallen asleep together. She was lying on his chest with her little butt in the air with tiny little drops of drool on his shirt. They looked so peaceful, I'm sure I stood there smiling for over 5 minutes before I realized I was just standing there smiling. Now he's asleep with the other babies, Erick and George. I don't think there's any room for me on that bed but that's ok because I'm wide awake.
Three way boy spooning is the best thing to happen to that bed.
Well actually, I can think of better things that have happened there.
I'm so bored now.
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| a promise, not a label |
[14 Jun 2007|09:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
red hots |
] |
happiness is a scruffy fiance' in flannel and tattered jeans looking more attractive than ever.
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[12 Jun 2007|12:57pm] |
Tyson,
Alex is really cute. by that I mean personality-wise but she is also drop dead gorgeous so you're one lucky boy. yes, boy. It makes me so happy to see you two back together again.
I can not wait until you move back here and let us love you every single day again.
much love,
Sandy.
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| Interpol/Kings was cancelled for us |
[10 Jun 2007|10:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
I have not spoken to Jim in over a month and it didn't really hit me until I got the song in my voice mail. I knew it had been a long time but I just wasn't sure how long. I know, I know a month doesn't sound like a long time but it is. It is when all you have is the sound of each other's voice over the phone for months at a time. Goodness, I miss the sound of his voice so much. Obviously I miss his touch, the look in his eyes, and all the other amazing things that are Jim but I just want to hear his voice. I had a missed call today and I am hoping more than anything that it wasn't from Jim because I can't stand knowing that I missed another opportunity to talk to him and see how he has been doing.
I think you're doing good Jim. I know we haven't spoke to one another in a long time but something in my heart is telling me that you're happy. The thought makes me smile and I hope my heart is right because I want you to be happy more than anything else. You've amazed me this past year. We didn't start off very strong or stable but you held your ground and opened my eyes to a world of possibilities. I appreciate it so much. I do believe had it been anyone other than you they would have given up and stopped putting up with my nonsense. You're so strong, Jim. I know you'll never believe me or anyone who tells you so, but you are and I'm more than thankful that I have you to be my backbone when I'm too weak to support myself.
i.can.not.wait.to.have.you.here.in.my.arms.again.
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| argh |
[30 May 2007|06:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
We were supposed to leave for Australia tonight but our flight got cancelled. I'm a little irritated and so is Jack. I don't even know if I want to go now, airline people are so difficult to deal with.
I grew some balls and called dad to tell him we were leaving to Australia today and asked if he wanted to eat lunch with us before we go. He said no because he didn't want to drive an hour just to have lunch in L.A. I asked him if he would at least come say bye to us. He said no because he didn't want to get stuck in traffic. I asked him if he even cared that we were leaving and our lines were suddenly disconnected.
I don't know why I keep trying to have a relationship with him. It has always been like this and it never changes, not even when we were living in Arizona together. He's a total over-protective man who does not want me to talk to anybody else in this world. But even so, he refuses to have an actual conversation with me. I don't think I'll ever understand him and I wish I could stop caring so that maybe I could finally stop putting myself through this time after time. Oh yeah, I also asked him if he would come to our wedding if we had one. He said "I think I have a business meeting in New York that day" I then reminded him that Jim and I had not even fully talked it over yet and we don't know what we're doing much less do we know WHEN we're doing it. so him having a business meeting on the day of our wedding is total bullshit and I had never been so mad before.
edit: He also told me he was really disappointed that I wasted my education on design. wow, ok.
The joke's on him anyhow. He gave me a blank check for "school stuff." Well guess what? I have one more year left and tuition has to get paid somehow. Thanks dad, I'll be wasting 40 grand for tuition.
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[28 May 2007|10:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
I tried to make pancakes today. Notice how I said tried?
Well I was doing fine but my phone started ringing so I ran to get it because the only person who really calls that phone is Jim. But I couldn't find it because Emily had been playing with it and I had no idea where she left it. At last, I found it. It wasn't Jim, sadly, but it was Chris demanding me to put some food in his flat belly. I told him to come over and by the time I got back to the stove all my pancakes were black black black.
And it smelled TERRIBLE!!!! Now I'm sitting here in front of the computer pissed off and smelly. I had just taken a shower, too. Now it feels like I had been chain smoking all night. ewness.
Jack, Emily, And I are going to Australia this week.
He wants to introduce Emily to his "real family." See, dad got custody of Jack and they moved to Australia where dad abandonned Jack and left him with our grandparents. They've never met her, obviously, I don't even know if they know of her.
Taking a 2 year old on a plane across the globe is NOT a good idea but we're hoping we can pull this one off. She does pretty good in long car rides...but that's a car ride, not a flight from los angeles to australia
We'll see how it goes, I'm sure we're going to piss off a lot of people, but they'll just have to deal with it, won't they?
Jim doesn't know I'm leaving. I sent him an email but what good does it do if he doesn't even check it anymore?
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| love in itself |
[26 May 2007|08:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the editors |
] |
I wrote a letter myself and I also bought some flowers.
I took them with me and sat and read it out loud.
It was a good feeling because I had never done that on my own before
It was a warm, sunny day, by the way, you would have loved it.
There was another set of flowers there, I think his mom may have been there earlier that day because they were freshly picked.
It's been over a week since we talked. I hope you're alive and well.
I hope you have more than skin on those bones.
I miss your voice.
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| rejection |
[19 May 2007|10:57am] |
Mybody is rejecting all food
and furthermore, I am depressed.
|
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| i keep forgetting to make time to eat |
[02 May 2007|11:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
I took your advice Jim
I jumped in the pool and swam some of my worries away.
I'm still overly stressed and I want this to be over with already.
I have two finals tomorrow. back to back. Can you believe it?
I have to sit and write for 6 hours straight. i only have half an hour to get from point A to point B. And I COMPLETELY forgot to buy scantrons so I have to go later tonight. But not too late or they close. wonderful.
I'm getting so frustrated right now. I can't seem to memorize 200 terms for RG
I don't know what i'll do.
Thanks for calling last night, but it wasn't until you hung up that i realized it was 5 in the morning for you and you said you hadn't had any sleep
Sleep!
btw, my back feels wonderful
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[28 Apr 2007|09:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
cake! |
] |
I think the most wonderful thing today has been seeing Jim's spirit rise.
I didn't imagine you would be sitting in that corner singing at the top of your lungs this weekend.
Maybe running around barefoot and climbing trees did a lot for you today.
I was discussing Jim's synesthesia with a friend just now
I said:
When we were 13 or 14, before we started dating, Jim made me a cd called yellow and he explained that every song in it was yellow. I opened the cd case and the cd was blue, so I thought he was an idiot.
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| first day of 21 feels good |
[27 Apr 2007|11:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
Today couldn't have been more perfect.
I'm completely exhausted in the most wonderful way.
and still, words cannot begin to describe this feeling.
Just to see you smile, I don't know if anyone understands.
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